When everything you’ve got is gone, it was hard for you to even want to continue living. I felt a huge hole deep inside my heart and I seriously didn’t know how to find the strength to build myself from the ground up all over again. I just wanted to give up on life and surrender. If I knew something was coming, probably I would be a little more mentally prepared for it, but this came all the sudden. I went from a hero to zero in the blink of an eye.
I thought I had it all figured out, and I really thought I was in the right path before all this happened. I had evolved from a girly girl who didn’t have a lot of motivation in life to a girl boss who had managed to lead and grow a company; and this transformation required a lot of tears, sacrifice, hard work, dedication, and not including almost losing my mind every few seconds.
But why after all those hard years now I could be down here at the lowest point in my life? I couldn’t help but keep on asking God as to why He allowed all this to happen to me.
Now, my baby sister, she meant the world to me. It broke my heart the most when I had to be separated from her. I used to wake up at night looking for her because I was used to her sleeping next to me. It made me sad that I cannot be with her every step of the way but this was the moment when I had to realize that she is not mine. I took care of her for six years, but she’s not mine.
The whole situation was a lot to digest and it took me a very long time to finally had the willingness to stand up, start over and start living again.
I then started the entrepreneurial route and boy did I struggle! I thought I got this, I had led a company before and I thought I knew all the things about business but was I wrong. Starting an entrepreneurial journey is like walking in limbo – everything around you is just so vague and you feel like your feet are not touching the ground, but you’re not flying either. It’s like walking on the moon with your out-of-space suit and there’s no gravity – and it’s really hard, especially when you feel like you’re so busy all the time but you’re not making money. But somehow, day by day, I managed to support myself – all because of the grace I received from Above.
I had to relearn everything about me, about life, about everything in general. I had to learn to deal with anxiety and depression but in the midst of all that soul-searching enlightenment journey that I was taking, I managed to find who I really am on the inside. Apparently, sometimes you need to lose it all in order for you to gain yourself – and in the end, finding who you truly are is much more valuable than anything you could’ve ever lost.
And then now I realize, it was not my destiny to be a super strong businesswoman. It sure felt really good to have such power and authority, but I found out now that is not who I am. I am so glad now that I didn’t go down that road because I finally realized that deep down inside, I am still this sweet girl who still wants to believe in humanity. And I want to believe in that girl. Being strong is a good thing, but this is a slippery slope for a businesswoman because sometimes, we might just lose our way just a little. Sometimes we might just forget to put down our CEO badge when we’re at home or when we’re socializing with people. I do believe in standing strong and believing in ourselves and fighting for what we believe in – this is what women empowerment is all about. But as women, we also need to understand that being strong doesn’t mean that we always have to be right all the time and it certainly doesn’t mean that other people have to follow what we want all the time.
And the thing about life is, we will always have to continue to learn and grow, whether we like it or not. I was never that motivated girl who’s always ahead of her time and always know what to do with her life, but I find strength to always continue on living life to my best ability because I was always put in a situation where I either need to fight and survive, or die. And maybe life’s been a bit hard on me for a reason, and I’d like to live to one day find out the purpose behind it all.